I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
