If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
