I wish you could order shots online.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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