last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
