just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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