So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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