He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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