You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he thought i was a dude.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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