So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
