hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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