when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
