he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
