I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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