I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
