Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
