do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
