So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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