her vagine was all disorganized.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
