its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
