Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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