I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize