Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
