this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
