Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
