i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
