I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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