there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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