yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
