I can text with my tongue
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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