ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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