I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
