I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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