I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
