I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize