i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
