I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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