I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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