I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize