No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
