i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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