I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
