If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Acid is not a monday night drug
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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