i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
