Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
