He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
