I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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