you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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