you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
