She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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