Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize