Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
