I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
