So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
