you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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