nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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