My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize