i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
