last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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