OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
