i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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