My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
