Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
