My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
