Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
