high people should be assigned attendants
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
