Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
