He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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