Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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