Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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