My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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