That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
