I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
